Thursday, September 27, 2012

Funny sex after death joke

Funny sex after death joke

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.


Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

True to his word, he made the first contact:

" Marion ... Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.

I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.

Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob are you in Heaven?"

"No...........I'm a rabbit in Arizona


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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Funny Indian saddle joke

Funny Indian saddle joke

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when
her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and
offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was
uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a
Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills
and canyon walls. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the
local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode
off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the
service-station attendant.

"Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse,
put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I
wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

Funny generous husband joke for today

Funny generous husband joke for today

Subject:A generous husband
> >>THE PERFECT HUSBAND

> >>>Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on
> > a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and
> > begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to
> > listen.
> >>>
> >>>MAN: "Hello"
> >>>
> >>>WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
> >>>
> >>>MAN: "Yes."
> >>>
> >>>WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy
> it?"
>
> >>>
>
> >>>MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
>
> >>>
>
> >>>WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really
> liked."
>
> >>>
>
> >>>MAN: "How much?"
>
> >>>
>
> >>>WOMAN: "$90,000."
>
> >>>
>
> >>>MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
>
> >>>
>
> >>>WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the
> market. They're asking $980,000 for it."
>
> >>>
>
> >>>MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if
> it's what you really want."
>
> >>>
>
> >>>WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"
>
> >>>
>
> >>>MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."
>
> >>>
>
> >>>The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
>
> > astonishment, mouths wide open.
>
> >>>
>
> >>>He turns and asks, "Anyone know who's phone this
>
> > is?"
>

Funny cowboy joke for today

Funny cowboy joke for today A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.. Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her.. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed. "Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly. "Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots. "Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light. "Now take off my bra.." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor. Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired." (P.S. - I didn't see it coming, either)

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