Advice for An Old Guy Funny Joke

Advice for An Old Guy Funny Joke



I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in....




I asked the trainer standing next to me:

What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?



The trainer looked me over and said:

"I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."

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Funny Confucius Jokes

Confucius Say: It's OK to let a fool kiss you; but don't let a kiss fool you.



Confucius Say: A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise.



Confucius Say: It is better to lose a lover than love a loser.



Confucius Say: Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy.



Confucius Say: Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax doesn't know if he's coming or going.



Confucius Say: A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.



Confucius Say: Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest.



Confucius Say: Viagra is like Disneyland ... a one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride.



Confucius Say: It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want



Confucius Say: A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don't get it.

Funny Woman on Aging Joke

Funny Woman on Aging Joke



Old is Great

An old Woman was asked, "At your ripe age, what would you prefer to get : Parkinsons or Alzheimers?"

The wise one answered, "Definitely Parkinsons - Better to spill half my wine than to forget where I keep the bottle."

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Funny Password Change Joke

Funny Password Change Joke



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Old Biker Bar Joke

I called your house the other day and was told you were down at your favorite biker bar with some friends.
I wasn't sure where that was, but was told I wouldn't have much trouble finding it.
Sure enough, I drove just a couple blocks and there it was...
There is nothing like the feel of the sun on your face and the wind in your hair, is there?





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Mexican Maid Wants a Raise Funny Joke

Mexican Maid Wants a Raise Funny Joke

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."

"The first is that I iron better than you."


Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"


Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Jor hozban did."
Wife, increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he?"

Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.
Wife: "And did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Señora....the gardener did."

Wife: "So, how much do you want?"

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Funny Circumcised Joke

Funny Circumcised Joke


For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just love the things little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often taken literally.....



'Circumcised' (This is priceless!)


A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.


She went back to find out what was going on.


He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised, and he was quite itchy down there.


The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.


He did and returned to his class.


Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.


She went back to investigate, only to find him sitting at his desk with his "private part" hanging out.


"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.



"I did," he said, "and she told me that, if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

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