Funny Joke of the Day

A few years after I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town.

From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited

him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on.

As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a

special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me good from evil,

and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger... he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies.

If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future!

He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me

cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind.

Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to

listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet.
(I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt

obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home - not from us,

our friends or any visitors. Our long time visitor, however, got away with four-letter

words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush.

My Dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol but the stranger encouraged us to try it

on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly, and pipes distinguished.

He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant,

sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by

the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom

rebuked... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family.

He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you

could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner,

waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.


His name ....

We just call him 'TV.'

(Note: This should be required reading for every household!)
He has a wife now....we call her 'Computer.'
Their first child is "Cell Phone".
Second child "I Pod "

For more funny jokes, check out the main page of the blog, Here is the link (a day without laughter is a day wasted)
http://funniesfromfatboy.blogspot.com/

or check out my funny facebook status update page for hundreds of hilarious image jokes
Here is the link to that one

A Little Bit of Humor for A Sunday

Funny Joke of the Day June 19, 2010

It's Saturday night and just got home from a lovely steak dinner with future hubby. Now, it is time for Joke of the Day. Happy Father's Day tomorrow to all you dads and dads-to-be

The waitress was waiting as patiently as she could while the guy was dawdling over the breakfast menu. He says, being a smart ass, "I usually never return to a restaurant unless one of the sausages I'm served with my eggs is a match in size for my own."
The waitress replied, "In that case, sir, perhaps you should be looking at the children's menu."

Funny Ways to Annoy Telemarketers

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

Funny Joke of the Day - June 9, 2010

OK, so peaceful day at the office. Peaceful but long. I am getting married in October so I went with one of my bridesmaids tonight to get fitted for her gown. After being out from 7:30 this morning til 8 tonight, I could surely use some humor :-) so here is the joke of the day: (WAIT FOR IT, WAIT FOR IT) LOL
Hope all are enjoying their evening. Happy Hump Day

Priest and a Nun in the Desert
A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the
third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning. After
dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their situation.
After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.

"Well sister, this looks pretty grim."
"I know, father."
"In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than a day
or two."
"I agree."
"Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do
something for me?"
"Anything father."
"I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might see
yours."
"Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."
The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely
breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty. "Sister would you mind
if I touched them?"
she consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
"Father, could I ask something of you?"
"Yes sister?"
"I have never seen a man's penis. Could I see yours?"
"I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe.
"Oh father, may I touch it?"
This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling he
was sporting a huge erection.
"Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place,
it can give life."
"Is that true father?"
"Yes it is, sister."
"Then why don't you stick it in that camel and let's get the hell out
of here."

Funny Jokes Online- Laughter is the Key to a Happy Life

Funny Jokes Online- Think of today's society. Everyone is just always so busy. Life is so busy. There are more people in today's society that has to take medication to just ease anxiety and reduce stress.
It's time to slow down and enjoy life.
Read Jokes, Tell Jokes, Laugh and Make Others Laugh
Find your sense of humor. You know "Your Inner Zen"
Enjoy this life, nobody gets out alive anyhow :-)
Read our jokes of the day and Post your own

“Your sense of humor is one of the most powerful tools you have to make certain that your daily mood and emotional state support good health.”