Friday, July 30, 2010

Funny Joke of the Day

Sorry I have missed a bit. My life has been busy lately and I have slacked against my own words of advice but I need humor right now

An old couple was watching TV one evening, and the husband got up to go to the kitchen. His wife told him to get her some iced tea, and knowing that the years had taken their toll on his memory, she told him to write it down.

"I can remember iced tea," he protested.

"But I want sugar in my tea too," she told him, "so write it down."

He told her he could remember iced tea with sugar.

"I want a slice of lemon too." she said, "Just write it down."

He left the room grumbling to himself. A few minutes later he came back with a plate full of mashed potatoes for her.

"Now look what you've done!" she yelled at him, "You forgot my gravy!"

Friday, July 9, 2010

Funny Joke of the Day July 9, 2010

Hope everyone had a great week TGIF
Funny Joke of the Day

Just some signs that you drink too much coffee

You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
- You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.

Hope everyone has a great weekend

Remember, laughter is key to good health

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Happy Independence Day to All

Hope everyone is having the safest and happiest of 4th of Julys
God Bless America's and all our soldiers

Here is your joke for today July 4, 2010

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!

What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
Beneduck Arnold!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Joke of the Day July 2, 2010

Wow, July 2nd already. It seems just like yesterday, it was New Years Day and now 2010 is half over. Life goes by so quickly. Always remember to laugh more often, laugh at yourself, laugh at the ridiculous things that go on around you.
Just laugh :-)
Here is some humor for your day:
You know you are getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster

God put me on Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind, I will never die

Amazing!!! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrings two sizes

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