Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Funny Password Change Joke

Funny Password Change Joke



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Old Biker Bar Joke

I called your house the other day and was told you were down at your favorite biker bar with some friends.
I wasn't sure where that was, but was told I wouldn't have much trouble finding it.
Sure enough, I drove just a couple blocks and there it was...
There is nothing like the feel of the sun on your face and the wind in your hair, is there?





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Friday, May 3, 2013

Mexican Maid Wants a Raise Funny Joke

Mexican Maid Wants a Raise Funny Joke

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase.
The wife was very upset about this, and decided to talk to her about the raise. She asked: "Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?"

Maria: "Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wanna increaze."

"The first is that I iron better than you."


Wife: "Who said you iron better than me?"
Maria: "Jor huzban he say so."

Wife: "Oh yeah?"


Maria: "The second reason eez that I am a better cook than you."

Wife: "Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?"

Maria: "Jor hozban did."
Wife, increasingly agitated: "Oh he did, did he?"

Maria: "The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in the bed."

Wife, really boiling now and through gritted teeth.
Wife: "And did my husband say that as well?"

Maria: "No Señora....the gardener did."

Wife: "So, how much do you want?"

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Thursday, May 2, 2013

Funny Circumcised Joke

Funny Circumcised Joke


For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just love the things little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often taken literally.....



'Circumcised' (This is priceless!)


A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.


She went back to find out what was going on.


He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised, and he was quite itchy down there.


The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.


He did and returned to his class.


Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.


She went back to investigate, only to find him sitting at his desk with his "private part" hanging out.


"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.



"I did," he said, "and she told me that, if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school."

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Funny Men Jokes

Funny Men Jokes

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'

'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'

He yelled back, 'OHIO STATE!'

And they say blondes are dumb....

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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...... '.

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'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower.. 'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor ------------



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Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

AMEN

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Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?

A: Trustworthy. .

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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?

A: It helps them remember which end to wipe..

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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'

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While creating husbands, God promised women that good and ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world…



Then He made the earth round.

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